Conquering a Fear: You will not get the better of me!
Hey! Watch it! I AM FEARLESS! Okay, not always, but I should be. As strong as I am, I sometimes find that the fear of something does control me, even if just a little. This is definitely not a healthy way to live, but it happens to the best of us.
If I am to be honest, I must admit that there are a couple of things that make my heart pound. One, I have zero intention of talking about. The other, well, it’s a little complicated. Why? Because I didn’t really realize fear was guiding me until I found something that I really want. Then, it hit me… I have to conquer a fear.
Now, I could let this freak me out, but instead, I am super excited! I mean crazy excited! About what, you ask? Okay, here it is.
I’ve always been rather adventurous, but most of that changed after I blew a disc in my back. I still have a different bulging disc, so the fear of falling is always in the back of my mind. I used to ride horses, play tennis and golf; but my back, fibromyalgia, and a couple of other disorders, have kept me from those and many other activities.
Over 20 years ago, I decided I wanted to learn to ride (drive? whatever) a motorcycle. I was soooo excited! My best friend was ready to teach me so we could go on fun excursions together. We had a whole day planned, and I couldn’t have been more amped up!
I arrived at his shop, and he and another friend walked out with three bikes. You could not wipe the grin off my face! I sat on mine, and he began saying this is this, and that is that. Then, he said, “This is the clutch. Go ahead and squeeze it.” I drive stick-shift / manual vehicles, so I understood all about the clutch and gears. I tried to squeeze it, but it wouldn’t move. I was totally shocked! He adjusted the clutch, and I tried again. Hardly any movement. So, he adjusted the clutch as much as he could. By this time, he could pull it in with his pinky finger. I still could not move it with one hand. I was profoundly devastated, and my heart completely sank! That was when I realized that my physical weaknesses were going to steer my life. My body had let me down again. Once again, I was bitten in the arse. All of this happened when I was in my early 20s, a little before I blew my disc and ended up in a wheelchair for a few months. I’m 46 years old, so this has haunted me for over 20 years, even though I haven’t exactly been aware of it.
A few weeks ago, I found a bike that would be perfect for me. It is semi-automatic, so considering the weakness in my hands, I don’t have to worry about pulling the clutch. Since my joints work when they want to, I also wouldn’t have to worry about changing gears with my foot. Yes, there are other automatic bikes out there, but not like this. People with one arm or leg are able to safely control this baby. This is the Spyder Roadster, and it’s a 3-wheeler, so the chance of falling over and blowing another disc (or DYING) is reduced. So, now what?
Now, I have to conquer my fear of wrecking on a two-wheeled bike, and ending up in a wheelchair for life. Now, I have to look at that stupid clutch again, and say, “You will not get the better of me!” Why? Because, in my state, you must have a motorcycle license to ride anything over 125cc, including 3-wheelers (50-125cc for a limited license). This is where my excitement comes in.
I am sooooo over the top about FINALLY learning to ride! So much so, that the fear of failure is clawing on the backseat of my SUV as it is being pulled out the back window. Exactly where it belongs!
Well, you can’t conquer any fear without taking that first step, so I am signed up for a state-recognized motorcycle safety class, and I’m scheduled to take it early in September. YAY! I chose September because I’m hoping some of this heat will have moved on by then. I have no desire to conquer my fears in 100+ degree temps. After I PASS that class (positive thinking here), I will grab my certificate, and dart to the DMV to get my motorcycle endorsement. Yippie! After that, I’m working my way towards Spyderville! Oh, yeah!
So, that’s the dealio! I’m charging full force at my fears, and this is only the beginning! My driving force is FAITH, not fear!
I know this may not be a big deal to most people, but for me, this is HUGE! This is something I’ve been burying deep inside for years, even though I didn’t actually realize it until recently. Funny how some things can stay hidden. Funny how you think you just don’t want to do something, when in actuality, you’re afraid.
I’m very excited, and I can’t wait to knock this one off my list! I can’t wait to scream out, “Yay! I did it!”
Thanks for reading!
*** As a side note, I found something interesting while searching for pics. Hmmm… I wonder… Was I was meant to see this? If you need a little inspiration, or if fear is holding you back, you just might want to check this out.