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Do romantic movies ruin relationships?

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One of my fb friends made an interesting statement in one of his posts. He said, “Please I would like to hear your opinion on this one. Romantic movies ruin relationships. They give women unrealistic expectations about what to expect from men. Porn has the same effect on men.”  Things that make you go… hmmmmm.

Okay, don’t even try to get me involved in a ‘porn’ conversation.  Nope!  Forget about that.  However, I must admit… I don’t read romance novels and I don’t watch romantic movies (though, I have seen a few), so I hadn’t really thought about this much at all.  So, I decided to write about it.  🙂  Here is a comment from one of his male friends…

“There’s another outlook that we need to consider. How has romantic movies contributed to people falling madly in love. It definitely influences man & woman alike. Men need to look at moving away from the stereotype ‘role model’ & be himself. Once a woman sees that there shouldn’t be any problems. Woman on the other hand should not be looking for the Knight on the white horse & accept the hand God has dealt you. Speaking about God, He is ultimately in control of our hearts desires & He will fulfill those desires according to His will. So there, I’ve said it. Give your heart to Jesus & He will decide who is best suited to be your life’s companion. Sex on the other hand is a 2 way street. Be confident enough to communicate your desires to your partner. Likes & dislikes should be treated with the ultimate respect. Respect God & what He determined our lives to be like, respect yourself & lastly, respect your partner. Surely this way you both will find common ground. Say what ? Coming from an ex-womaniser – that’s me.” 

Well, I didn’t have any kind of response to that comment. NOT!  This is what I had to say…

“Okay, here’s the thing… Women are emotional creatures and we are WOMEN.  We are caretakers.  We bathe kids, feed everyone, and clean everything.  We are teachers, chauffeurs, doctors, and nurses.  IMHO, romantic movies are cheesy, and I don’t like them at all.  But, one truth of them is that we need and like to know that we are loved, appreciated, respected, and known. Yes, known, as in you truly know us.  For some women, that means flowers for no reason.  For others, that means chocolates just because (I hate chocolate…lol).  For me, that might mean a Harley Trike or Can-Am Spyder, washing my truck, a new video game, or new guitar strings.  It’s the feeling that someone I love took the time to do something meant just for me.  So, [name removed], romantic movies don’t ruin relationships.  People ruin relationships.  If a woman says, “Why don’t you ever do what he did in that movie for me?”, she’s already feeling neglected and unappreciated.  If he throws a fit about having to do something (or anything) romantic, he doesn’t truly love her as he SHOULD anyway.  If he did, he would do something he hates (romantic dinner-dancing, flowers-whatever) just to make her feel good.  Yes, it is much better to let God do the matchmaking, but that doesn’t absolve the guy from doing romantic, or more importantly, thoughtful things for his lady.  That’s my two cents. Wait…inflation. That’s my $1.50. 🙂 “

After reading another comment or two, I also said…

“One thing I forgot to mention: First- Yes, as I said above, God should definitely be the matchmaker – so to speak.  But, that can’t be used as a crutch.  “God put us together, so I just need to accept that everything that’s happening is His will.”  NOT.  However people come together, there is always God-given free will, and it isn’t always used as it should be.  And FTR, women should never just “accept the hand God has dealt you” as was said.  That’s how so many women remain in abusive relationships.  “Men should be themselves, and women should accept it”, is bogus. A real man, a man who truly loves his wife, will do special things just for her just because it makes her smile.  And a woman will do the same.  That is romance!  That is all. 😀 “

Now, I have my spiritual beliefs, and yours may differ.  So, for the sake of conversation, let’s remove the God factor because that is not really what this particular post is about.  It just happens that my friend and I are Christians, so a few extra things were thrown into the mix.  So, that aside… What do you think?  Do romantic movies ruin relationships?  Do romantic movies change our expectations?  Do women expect more from their mates because of something they’ve seen in a movie?

Let me know what you think, and as always, thanks for reading!

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17 responses

  1. LaLindaArtStudio

    Well said on your part. I am not into romantic movies either. If I had just accepted the hand God had dealt me…yeah right, Oh man don’t even go there, lol.

    Like

    June 23, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    • I know! Wasn’t that comment just ludicrous? Men! LOL! Yeah, sure. I’ll get right on that!

      Like

      June 23, 2013 at 11:05 pm

  2. I have been married for many years (22 first marriage lasted5 years) and I did have a heart pounding wow falling in love story. That being said I was often astounded growing up how many women around me seemed to have some insane expectations. I remember in my late 20s sharing wine and a girly evening with a few other women and they described what they wanted in a guy. I had just gotten divorced and perhaps I was a little more worldly than the rest. However I made a few enemies that night as when they were done describing Mr. Right I firmly stated; “You are not looking for love, you have just described a puppet with a lot of money.” Unrealistic beyond belief as the wealthier a person the more likely they are to be demanding and sure of themselves.
    I believe in love, I even believe in love at first sight (it happened to me), but a movie or a book does not convey the day to day tedium that all of us experience in real life.
    Especially when love stories turn into parenting and other demands from life!
    Very cool post BRAVO

    Like

    June 23, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    • It IS also interesting to me how so many women have unrealistic expectations. I agree with you wholeheartedly! I also believe that’s one reason so many marriages end in divorce. The women (or even men) are looking for the fairy tale, but then real life gets in the way. Ha! Thanks so much for your comments!

      Like

      June 23, 2013 at 7:51 pm

      • Those are the key words UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS .I get a little annoyed with Disney if people would take the time to read the REAL Little Mermaid as per HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN, they would realize the ending is very deep and spiritual, but certainly not success from endangering your life and those of the mer-people. Also she was after the immortality of a human soul and not the mere love of a prince.

        Like

        June 23, 2013 at 7:57 pm

        • Isn’t that the truth! But, that also brings up another topic (hmmm… I might have to write about that). Many people watch “the great movie”. “Oh, it was this and that!” But, so many people never read to book the movie was based on (if there was one), or find out about the story behind the movie. Movies rarely tell the original story because it’s all about the hype and special effects. I’m so curious that I have to find out the story before the story. I must admit– If I really want to see a movie, and I know there’s a book, I have to read the book first. Great comment!

          Like

          June 23, 2013 at 8:14 pm

          • I am so into movies, that at times I end up watching the movie first and then read the book/ short story or other source. Sometimes they are both good, but just a very different thing, well I look forward to your post on sources and perceptions of a story 🙂

            Like

            June 23, 2013 at 8:18 pm

          • Oh, the pressure! LOL!

            Like

            June 23, 2013 at 8:51 pm

  3. I think romance movies give us a false sense of how relationships are suppose to be…. blah I’ll watch them, but there has to be more to the movie or book than just romance.

    Like

    June 23, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    • Oh, yeah. A lot more! Ummm… Like mystery and intrigue! A psychological thriller! Yummy!

      Like

      June 23, 2013 at 7:53 pm

  4. Reblogged this on neverbeentomelady and commented:
    Reblogging because it’s just so applicable to my last post…and because I just love this subject 🙂

    Like

    June 23, 2013 at 5:57 pm

  5. I found this through “related content” when I just posted one of my own. I love this, do you mind if I reblog? I don’t think romantic movies harm relationships, we do that ourselves….sometimes it’s just not meant to be. This is one woman who would like more romance, even if I do notice all the other things he does to show his love I am a female who likes to be romanced…..and romance isn’t a dirty word or an impossibility (lots of men romance their ladies). Some men lack the ability to romance a lady, would it really kill them to learn a little bit about it if they are going to be in a relationship with a woman who does like a bit of romancing? Porn is a very different kettle….

    Like

    June 23, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    • Thank you, I appreciate the compliment! And, oh yes, porn is a different kettle. Whew! I do see that you did just write a similar post, which I liked. 🙂 Yes, you may re-blog this if you’d like. It is appreciated! Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

      June 23, 2013 at 5:50 pm

      • Thank you 🙂

        Like

        June 23, 2013 at 5:52 pm

        • You’re welcome! Thank you! 🙂

          Like

          June 23, 2013 at 5:53 pm

  6. My two cents, for what it’s worth. I think “romance” is overrated. Those huge romantic gestures as seen in the movies are not practical for most people on an every day basis. Does that mean romantic movies give women unrealistic expectations? Sometimes. But if those women stop and look at their own relationships without comparing them to romantic movies would they be satisfied or unsatisfied? Men (and women) need to step up. Relationships are about giving and sharing.

    In my relationship with my husband there have been no huge romantic gestures. No grand stand proposal. (I proposed to him while we were lying in bed together.) No huge princess day wedding. (Small outdoor wedding with about 20 guests.)

    But there have been many heartfelt and beautiful moments. Everyday there are little ways he shows me he loves me and vice versa.

    The movies are all about the big romantic gestures, and yeah, maybe some women believe that is what is needed to prove your love. But real life is all about the million and one little gestures – the little things you do everyday to show your love and respect for each other. Holding hands when you are watching tv, saying please and thank you, sitting through your partner’s favorite tv show without complaint, getting your partner a beverage when you are getting one for yourself. Kissing hello and goodbye and goodnight. Communicating.

    I do think there is trouble whenever you confuse real life with fiction. I don’t think it is just women who do this. Men do it too. They think in order for a woman to be the girl of their dreams she has to be Hollywood gorgeous and perfect in every way. It’s a two way street.

    Separate fiction from reality for both sexes and you are much better off.

    But to say romantic movies are ruining relationships is like saying zombie movies are ruining relationships. Both things are fictional and only interfere in real life if you let them.

    Like

    June 22, 2013 at 4:54 am

    • Anita

      Well said! Well said, and I couldn’t agree more! I wanted to say so much more similar to what you stated, especially about ‘reality’ and ‘the little things’. But, I knew my post would go on for days and days. LOL! So many little things compose true romance, and an open heart sees all of them. Thank you so much for commenting.

      Like

      June 22, 2013 at 2:37 pm

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